I cannot find the words

 To describe how I feel. Emotions are stirring inside me and I can not say what they are. Sadness yes, frustration yes, longing yes, restlessness yes. 

Often I feel on the verge of tears and don't know why. 

If you compliment me I tear up, if you say I done wrong, I tear up, tell me you love me, I tear up, see a dead animal in the road or on the side I tear up.

The tears don't fall. I hold them back. The feelings circle around until I swallow them.

A lot of the time I feel numb 

I don't know if I actually feel love. It is a scary thought.